Serialization of ‘The Free’ Ch 2 child abuse. Linda Leaves Home

this is the second part of the serialization  One part will appear here every Friday for the next year. For part 1 click the ‘serial’  category above. Hope you like this version with more illustrations

Act One  Chapter Two

Linda leaves home

-‘Don’t be naughty, little darling, don’t be bad.’-

Linda narrating

            I was thinking bad stuff. When I got home any good humour had long gone. In I went by the side door. Just a bit wet and depressed and heading for my bed.

But there was my Ma in the spotless little kitchen feeding the baby. And there was Mrs. Geraty from down the road drinking tea. If anyone thinks I got any sympathy from my mother they’re much mistaken…. Such a mean faced back biting hypocrite was never seen in our street before nor since. We fought like cats and dogs, me and her. Though you’d have to pity her sometimes.

–‘Linda. What are you doing out of school?’-  she demanded as I came in the door.

–‘Nothing mum, Sister Bernadette sent me home sick.’-

-‘Sick!’– She glanced triumphantly at Mrs. G. -‘Sick! You’re no more sick than the Devil himself! Where did you get that red face child and don’t be telling me lies.’-

-‘I am sick.’-  I protested, sitting down and starting to cry.

-‘Stop that sniveling girl!’–  says she. Yanking me out of the chair.

You can’t trick my mum for a millisecond. She’s quicker than a fox, and she was shaking me like a rabbit. So I had to tell her, like, that I vomited on Sister Bernadette, and hit her back and all, and ran out of the school… Oof!

When she heard that she flew off into her temper. Roaring and giving out kilometers. Such a litany of griefs! And old Mrs. G nodding away, her red nose dripping in her tea.

How all her children turned out bad and herself old with worry and us a living disgrace, and Sister Bernie a saint, and Danny and Frances caught robbing and her cross to bear and…

And now me destroying the good name and four children to rear, and how she dare not show her face in the street for shame..

With little Kathy wailing all the while….

She was raging all right. Once in a while she’d snort like a stabled heifer, and give me a shake. Then off she would go again. When she got like this there was no way of stopping her, so I just lay over the table, pretending to cry. And getting madder and madder myself.

So what happens next? Oh hell, I hardly dare tell it. Didn’t she start going on about my dad, you know… Him slaving away all his life to bring us up respectable, and the Sacred Heart of Jayzus, and he a real credit, having risen to Assistant Sales Manager in the Bottle Factory. Though now he was being made redundant.

And the likes of me and Danny, lying and stealing and, Lord have mercy upon us, barfing up over a nun! And –’Wait till your dad gets back from work and hears about this. To be sure he’ll give you a lathering.’–  and so on and some such crap.

If she knew what I’d seen that day she’d never have started going on about my dad!

Now all this time Mrs. Geraty was sitting at the end of the table, supping her tay, and nodding away she surely had the shakes.. And me getting more and more desperate.

Next thing her flabby jaws went tight. Her runny eyes went bright. And you could almost see her prick up her fleshy old ears.

With the baby screeching louder, if that were possible.

Because at that moment I did get up off the chair, and me wagging my finger over my mother. I was bigger than her even then.

-‘Don’t be telling me lies about my father.’– I menaced. –’You know well he’s not at work. And he’s never at work on a Tuesday afternoon.’-

–‘Stop that, Linda.’– she said. Taken aback.

-‘Your precious man’– I sneered sarcastically. –’went off this afternoon with the famous Janice Martin. And if you don’t believe me you can ring up and check!’-

-‘Wh what.’- she said again, leaning on the table.

And I knew from her face it was true and had happened before. And she knew I knew, but didn’t know what to say. She was stuck for words, my Ma, for the first time ever.

And so was I. It was over. We could’ve gone to each other and hugged and comforted each other then.

-‘Oh mama.’- I said, sniffling.

Then Mrs. Geraty moved. My mother’s head jerked back like a trap.

-‘Liar.’- she bellowed. –’Liar.’- she shrieked. –’Get out of my kitchen girl or I’ll massacre you.’-

Then she had lifted a glass from the table and it crashed in smithereens on the black door closing behind me.

As little Kathy nearly screamed her head off.

***

            What a day. I ran straight up to me and Frances’ room, slammed the door behind me, threw myself down on the bed and cried and cried. I don’t know what my mother said to Mrs. Geraty, but I knew she was stuck in a corner.

What I said was the truth, but to say it in front of that mouth Mrs. G was something like high treason. I was sorry I said it too, and I just lay there a while feeling bad and brutal. I pulled up the blankets round me, it was freezing in that room, and thought of all that had happened and sniffled some more and half dozed off.

When I woke up I could hear my Dad’s voice and plates clattering, so I knew they were having tea. But I wouldn’t go down. I could hear the kids and my Mum and Dad shouting and I strained to hear. I heard my name, Linda, but I couldn’t make out the words.

Then my heart jumped up in my throat and I cowered down into the bed. I could hear my dad, it had to be him.

Coming nearer, plodding louder, coming closer up and up the stairs!

I felt such a terrible attack of panic I nearly peed in the bed.

Pulling over the covers so I could just peep out. Hoping he was going to the bathroom.

But then the door banged open and in he walks.

As bold as a copper and smiling.

So I guessed with relief that my mother hadn’t told him, like, that we knew about Janice.

And what about Sister Bernie? My poor mum was afraid of him an all.

-‘Hullo there me little flower.’- says he. And me pretending to sleep.

He staggered slightly, and sat down panting on the side of the bed.

Wrenching the bedclothes back off me.

He’s a big man with a puffy red face, always badly shaven.

But where I used to think his sagging  jowls were manly, they now looked disgusting. And where I used to think his thinning hair distinguished. It now looked greasy and rotting.

-‘Are y’all right luv.’- he went on. His sweaty hand caressing my face.

-‘I’m sick.’– I said. –‘Leave me alone.’-

-‘Did you have a bad day at school.’- he cooed pathetically.

Hauling me up like sack and examining my red cheek in the half light. Blowing stale beery breath in my face. I was still terrified of crossing him. Only now suddenly I didn’t love him anymore.

-‘I’ll get that nun for this. I’ll call the cops.. I’ll, I’ll set the Brother-Hood on her.’-

-‘No, Da please, no please, I hit her too.’-

 

Then he took me in his arms, pulling me close, and patted me.

I was suffocating and sucking for air. And he crooning and rocking me.

And belching so his stomachs lurched and wobbled.

-‘You’re all right Linda my darling. You’re all right.’-

He was patting my back, his sticky hand inside my blouse.

And his other elbow jiggling at my tits, the big randy bastard.

Maybe Janice wouldn’t have him?..

Janice had refused him. That was it!

I saw through my father now all right and I was getting angry. But I couldn’t breathe, I was wimpy as a kitten in his power.

-‘You’re all right, my lovely girly, you’re all right.’-

-‘Let me go.’– I gasped, struggling feebly, but he cackled.

-‘You’re all right my little darling.’– says he again with a squeeze.

         And his hairy hand fell down between my legs.

For a minute I done nothing. I was so shocked at his bloody nerve. Gripping me and starting to rub me.

         Then I remembered suddenly he had done that before when I was little.

            And then I remembered more…

            Oh crap..no no.

            That’s why I was so scared, and didn’t dare ever think bad of him.

            I couldn’t blank it out any more, my heart was bursting with anguish!

I suppose he thought that he would excite me, but I got furious!

My breath came back,  I struggled, but he held me hard and laughed.

-‘Don’t be silly, little baby, don’t be bad.’-

I started to panic and screech, like I was taking a fit.

-‘Shut up you bitch.’- he hissed, shaking me. And his other hand clamped over my mouth.

            But I was past shutting up. At last. Twisting my head

I bit right into his hand! Oh yuk, like biting an uncooked chicken.

And I squawked and yelled again.

As he hit me, an unmerciful wallop across the head. I didn’t even see it coming.

All I remember is sliding to the floor, my head ringing, like a faraway fire engine. And my mother calling up the stairs and he was gone.

Well I’ve been hit before. Many’s the time before and since. But when that pig hits you, you can’t forget so quick. I crawled back to the bed and leaned against it. Dizzy and shaking. And I wouldn’t have bothered getting up.

Only for the hate and shame and fury boiling over inside of me!

I got to my feet and staggered into the bathroom. Locked the door and sat down on the jacks, my head still spinning. Then I mopped my face, there was no blood, just a red mark, I would have a black eye swelling. But it wasn’t my father’s blow that really hurt me.

I got a fag out of my secret hiding place, and I lit it up right then and there, though I was wheezing a bit. Why should I care? And I sucked it in, hard, my hand still jittering with shock.

Janice had smashed a hole in my private aquarium, and I got washed right out.

Finally I had to remember.

Sitting dressed on the toilet.

That my dear old dad had abused me all my life.

My idol was a monster.

Sometimes he got excited hurting and terrorizing me.

And he did it again and again.

Kidding himself that I enjoyed it too.

I could hear my mother talking… The clatter of dishes…

I’d been terrified of wrecking our family .

…the tap dripping…

            Silent and compliant and blinding myself…

            …sniffing and stifling my tears…

            Now I couldn’t deny it. Now it wasn’t all my fault.

            ..the television blaring downstairs…

I couldn’t just blank it out and go back down for tea…

NOT ANY MORE.

So I peeked out of the bathroom and tippy toed down the creaky stairs.

Kathy was yelling for grub and banging her spoon.

And straight out the front door, clicking it quietly behind me. It was still light. Out I went.

One last groan from the broken gate, where Scamp lay gnawing on a bone.

And off, my feet slapping on the path.

Both ways were the same to me, my poor head throbbing like a drum

But it was great just GREAT to get out of that house

********************

NEXT EPISODE HERE  Serialization,The Free, Ch 3, Linda is Maxie Moon … runaways!

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