here’s part 3 of the weekly serialization.. Linda has just run away from her awful school and abusive Dad…

Okay so you can read it here anyway, but this has more illustrations and may appear more in GooogleSo maybe more people will get the chance to read it.

            ******

     I didn’t want to go back so I just walked on. On and on, down the abandoned canal. It was freezing cold, you’d think it was winter, and I was wishing vaguely that I’d brought my coat.

            But I didn’t care really, till it started to rain…

            By the time I got to the bridge it was really coming down, almost snowing. So I turned right, out of the bitter east wind, and mingled with the people and the traffic. Everyone was rushing or queuing.

            I was cold and hurt and going nowhere. And it was no evening for strolling.

            Flashes of my rotten father. Gripping me hard and laughing at my pain.

            -‘Sit up here on my lap dear. Just relax..

             Don’t be naughty. Don’t be silly. Don’t be bad.’-

            His puffy cheeks. Those faces, strange and savage, pushing past me. I could picture him laughing with his mates, the Brother-Hood of Concerned Citizens, sure he would send their skinhead thugs after me.

            The lights reflected. Revealing and blinding. Wailing sirens near and far away..

            I came to a CoOp Club and walked in boldly. The lekky was cut off again, it was dark, with lamps and candles, and there were even kids in there. I hid in the jacks for a while, then pronounced myself fit, and found a stool in the corner.

            Just watching the pool players preparing their shots. Their faces would screw up with concentration. Then click, clack, and plop in the hole. And on to the next ball.

            Ignoring everyone and hiding my damaged face behind my wet hair. Perched over the radiator like a boiling fowl. The steam rising off of me.

            I wouldn’t go home. I’d die first. But where could I go that they’d never guess? I thought of this fella Barney who used to promote our summer play schemes with the Pools. And he used to help kids

 in trouble with the law and that. No good. I didn’t know where he lived.. Barney Maguire.. But I knew where his sister lived, and I knew…

            Next thing I was up and out the door, running through the wet snow to the chipper where I could phone, I didn’t have a mobile then.. It was just getting really dark.

            And as I ran a yellow street lamp came flickering on.

            Turning the dirty wet sleet into swirling clouds of gold.

            It’s an image I’ll always remember, running in that suddenly golden snow.

***

            -‘Are you okay?’– asked Barney. As the car almost stalled, then shot away, clattering like an old fridge.

            -‘I thought you weren’t coming.’-

            -‘I had to borrow this jalopy.’– He glanced at me sideways, his hair was dripping wet. –‘Will I run you back home then?’-

            -‘No, please Barney no no.’- says I–‘Not now, I’m quite okay.’-

            But I was feeling a bit dizzy, so I just put my head on my knees and stared into the starry darkness. That old ammonia Opel smelt pretty bad for a clean air car, as it zipped and popped, in and out some side streets.                Ref 1a/    glossary  CleanAirCars.. CO2-free fuel exists now

            And before I could get my head straight we had arrived.

            -‘Come on up and get warm then.’- says he. -‘You’re in a woeful state.’-

            So I fumbled with the handle, and got out into a puddle.

            Then I saw the grey block, and hung back in the lashing slushy rain.

            -‘Come on.’- He took my hand in his.  -‘You know me, I won’t touch you I swear.’-

            I followed him up the big wide steps, looking about, flat footed and guilty. Like a kid who’s after falling in the canal.

            Then he had opened the huge door, into the high hall and up the empty stairs. Leaving wet footprints behind me. Clutching my wet cigarettes and matches in my dirty red hand.

            Then I thought –‘This is the beginning of my new life!’–

            I looked up, and there were strips of wallpaper and plaster hanging out of the ceiling. We came at last to a door marked 13 and went in.

            It was warm and bright inside. Posters and books and mess everywhere.

            A dirty orange carpet and a radio playing.

***

            There I sat, in Barney’s baggy clothes, reviving and poking the scrapwood fire. Supping sweet coffee with a drop of whiskey in it and feeling quite recovered. The flat was a dump, he’d only recently moved in, but at least it was brightly painted and cozy.

            Barney sat down, in an armchair leaking stuffing.

            The chair not him.

            -‘So what are you going to do?’– says he. And I looked back square into his dark eyes.

            -‘I’m going to get a job and a flat of my own.’– I said.

            He looked up at me quizzically, but said nothing.

            -‘Listen I know you think I’m a silly girl, crying and everything. But I just had a bad day that’s all.’-  Still he said nothing –‘I’m not going home, no way. My father will beat me up. My mother will skin me alive. If you’ll just let me stay a few days I’ll be all right.’-

            He raised his eyebrows still further.

            -‘It’s a small city. They’d probably track you down. How old are you anyway?’-

            -‘Nearly seventeen.’- I lied.

            -‘Come off it Lindy.’-

            -‘Oh shite.’- I was thinking –‘He’s going to throw me out.’-

            -‘Well I’m going to change my looks.. I’ll look quite different. You wouldn’t recognize me I swear.’– I was getting desperate.

            -‘I’ll even cook for you!’-

             He laughed then, shaking his head.

            -‘Listen first thing we’d better contact your dear parents and…’-

            -‘I’m not going back!’- I squeaked. –‘There’s nothing left can’t you see?’-

            -‘I know. I know.’- Barney raised both hands –‘Sure didn’t I run away from home myself, some years back, and I didn’t get battered.’-

            I put my hand to my face. It was starting to swell up.

            I must’ve looked like a red balloon on a string. 

            But now I guessed I was winning.

            -‘That was Sister Bernie my teacher, as well as my dad.’- I said. –‘And I hit her back and all.’-

            -‘You had a fight with a nun?’- He blew air..

            I nodded, opening my blue eyes wide.

            Cocked my head a little so my hair slid off my neck, sucked and pouted my lips.

            As cute as a hungry kitten, or so I hoped.

            -‘Listen what I meant to say was this. Of course you can stay here a few days, and no obligations. And I won’t mess around with you…’-

            -‘Yippee.’- I was hugging him and hopping on his foot.

            -‘Ow..ow.. Or better, I can find you a place to stay with friends, um. The CoOp Pool has a Runaways group; they’re just making up groups for some, er, abandoned housing, um, and this isn’t the safest place in the world.’-

            –‘I’ll stay with you. I’m here.’-

            -‘Wait and see, you could be in at the start of a brilliant consumer producer er occupation, but..

But we’ll have to get in touch with your folks, and give them a really good excuse. Or they’ll have half the country out looking for you.’-

 

            -‘What can I say?’-  says I. But a good idea was flashing green in my head.

***

            I guessed right about Barney all right. I had one idea and he had a better one. So we decided to try them both.

            As we were talking a heavy drip drop drip began in the kitchen corner. It was lashing down outside.

            -‘I’d really like to get some of my clothes and stuff.’-

             Barney was putting a plastic bucket under the leak. Which made it much noisier.

            -‘Can’t you slip in when your folks are out?’-

            -‘Hairy Mary had a canary!’– says I –‘Ma’s nearly always home. And the half the street will be looking out for me. They’re like that.’-

            -‘And your brothers and sisters?’-

            -‘Danny, yes, he’ll help me. If I could talk to him.’-

            -‘Danny Green from the De-School? I think I know him, who did the sound gear for the Burndon CLAN gig up in the park? The last one..’-

            I was nodding eagerly –‘He’s a wizard with the wires all right.’-

            I noticed Barney staring at me. I stared back in silence. Still dreading he’d throw me out.

            Drip drop drip. Then he decided.

            -‘How are you at keeping secrets Lindy?’’-

             I crossed my heart, solemnly, and smiled as sweetly as possible.

            -‘I’m famous in the school for not telling.’-

             He got up and dragged open the big wardrobe. A panel opened at the back. Then a wide shelf slid out of the wall between the coats. A shelf piled with papers and books, and a beat up computer screen.

            -‘You can talk to your mother from here.’- he said.

            -‘Oh good. You’re on line.’-

            -‘Yeah, um, I’ll show you.’-

 

            Barney could dial out through this old computer, and he did it for free….

            -‘Hello Ma it’s me Lindy.’-

            -‘Where are you? Why did you run out? Come back here this minute or….’-

            Her voice bellowed from a speaker. Barney looked scared. I was shaking.

            -‘L Listen to me please  I….’-

            But she just went right on yelling so I waited for a break.

            -‘Listen Ma. I’m staying in a Refuge. Just for a fortnight. Dad beat me up.’-

            -‘What? What are you telling me?

            -‘Listen to me a sec. I’m sorry I said that about Janice and Da okay. Can you hear me? I’m sorry okay…’- I really did feel sorry about that.

            -‘So you should be. Mrs. G is telling the world and his wife. How dare you run out.. Come back here this minute or your father will beat the living daylights out of you girl.. Where are you now come back here this minute or you’ll….’-

            -‘He can’t hit me anymore.’- I shouted. -‘End of story. He tried to abuse and interfere with me.’-

            Finally finally finally. I’d just come out and said it.

            -‘What?..Don’t you dare say that to anyone!’-

            -‘I’m staying in the Refuge okay. If dad sends the coppers after me I’ll tell everything! I’m sorry, bye bye.’-

            I put my hand over the microphone. Screwing my face against the shock and tears. But my mother kept right on yelling out that speaker on the wall. There was no stopping her!

            I gave a shaky thumbs up to Barney.

            He clicked the mouse just once on the -‘Stop It’- box.

            -‘Drip drippety drip drippety drop..’-  went the plastic bucket.

            That was it. I didn’t know if I would laugh or cry so I started laughing anyway.

            I even did a little jump for joy, avoiding his big feet.. And after that we phoned the neighbours.

             I told Mrs. Mullen I was in a Refuge for Abused and Beaten up Girls. Course we counted on good Jenny Mullen to tell that to half the county.

            Barney showed me how to send a message for my big bad brother Danny.  We sent it in code to Freddy B, the sparky wizard in Danny’s gang that Barney knew.

            They got off on that secret stuff in the Burndon CLAN.

***

            I was lying on the dirty mattress, trying to look at a magazine.

             It seemed very late and my eyes blurred.

             I stretched out my body in front of the hot little electric fire, twisted and yawned.

            Throwing up my arms and hands.

            Pleased with myself, and wriggling in the great woolly jumper.

            My Dad would go mad of course but what could he do? Especially if the neighbours said he’d been abusing me. He’d lost his prize possession, me, and it served him right.

            I yawned again and stretched.

            Half stuck in the wardrobe, Barney was tapping away, furiously.

            Next thing I must have dropped off because I vaguely remember him lifting me over to the bed.

            Which was a rickety old thing by the window.

            Coaxing me into a sleeping bag, and turning off the light.

            I lay there, now awake, my head throbbing and he still typing.

            Staring at the cracks in the ceiling and the whole incredible day running over in my head. When I closed my eyes I could see pictures, flashing like a video.

            Repeating and repeating, like a TV Ad in my head.

            A picture of Janice’s arm sliding round my Dad’s shoulders.

            Her thick lips going out to kiss him, tongue sliding in and out, eyes rolling with glee. And a snap of my mother’s mouth, stuck open, struck dumb for the first time ever.

            Then poor Sister Bernie mouthing threats, and pinching her bleeding nose.

            And my drunken father’s yellow tobacco teeth, belching and drooling over my body.

            Then one more flash of myself, running out to the phone.

            Yelling. -‘Yes. Yes.’ – in the suddenly golden snow.

            I was going to sit up and tell Barney, but I was too lovely and warm.

            And I must have blacked out then, being exhausted.

***

            I knew there was something strange going on before I even opened my eyes. I blinked once, and saw these strange flowery curtains.

            The dawn light coming through and they fluttering.

            There was someone strange on the mattress behind me. And it wasn’t my brother Frances.

            Then I remembered everything in a rush. My heart jumped and my head buzzed.

            I was free and alone in the world, scared and excited.

            I had to think fast and make plans. I had lashed out at everyone and run away.

            But I didn’t care. I was glad. And I wouldn’t go back. Not ever…

            Only thing was I needed to see my friends, Mary and Keera.

            There I lay in bed beside this Barney, but I was more thrilled than afraid. Lying back and thinking, half out of my bag.

            Blowing up puffs of white warm air, towards the high cracked ceiling.

            My whole life stretched out before me like an empty house.

            For once in my life I was free, or anyhow I felt free, which is all that counts.

            Like quitting a job you hate. Or passing out a prison gate.

            First thing I needed was a haircut, and to dye my hair, brown or red?

            Then I had to meet Danny and pick up my clothes and stuff.

            In fact I needed different clothes…and money!….

            Barney would just have to help me, that was all.

            That big mound curled up beside me, like a giant hot water bottle with hair sticking out the top.

            I lay there for a long time. My cheek on his warm brown arm like a big cat dreaming. And thinking how I might get work and a place to stay.

            I thought I’d finally conquered my fear of touching men. Which was much too optimistic, as I soon found out. 

            But I felt like lying there forever.

            My lips catching on his skin, his breath in my hair.

            Our bodies rising and falling, like a calm summer sea.

 

            It seemed exciting and dangerous, being in the bed beside him. Every now and then he’d snort in the pillow, like a sleepy pig.

            After a while I moved a little closer. Or did he? Or did we? It’s hard to tell.

            So I could just get the warmth of his body.

            And feel his heart go -‘Thump and thump.‘- And my own. -‘Thump, thumpety, thump.’-

            Till I giggled out loud and he half woke up, groaning and turning over. I didn’t dare move.

            He slipped his arm under me. Snuggled up close. And sighed and went back to sleep.

            As I say, I didn’t dare move. Hadn’t he promised he wouldn’t touch me? I started feeling scared and short of breath and getting desperate.

            Wheezing like an asthmatic. I needed my inhaler under the pillow, but I didn’t dare wake him by pulling away.

            My heart leapt and my panic attack began.

            My father doesn’t believe in panic attacks. Says they’re just an excuse.

            Well right then I really wanted NOT to have it.

            It’s noisy. It’s messy. And it scares the shit out of anyone in sight.

            That’s when the alarm clock went off, real loud with Barney rolling out to stop it.

            I grabbed my inhaler from under the pillow. Puffed and sucked, gratefully.

            -‘I have to get up. There’s someone calling for me at eight.’-

            When I saw him stand up, all hulky and naked, my gasps turned into giggles.

            With his big long willy, bob bobbing about.

            But what really got me was.. That thing was badly bent!

            My giggles turned to little hoots. I couldn’t stop it.

            It was -‘gotta-do-it’- fashion then and now, to shave your personal parts.

            And Barney’s ‘thingy’ was as bald and wrinkly as the long nosed lizard up in the Zoo!

            He must have been embarrassed by my laughs.

            Because he turned away quickly, hop hopping and struggling with his pants.

            Then he tippy toed through the dirty cups and clothes, to put on the kettle and the fire.

            While I tried to stifle my mirth. Sniffing and wiping my eyes.

            -‘You were talking in your sleep.’– he said.

            -‘Oh. What did I say?’-.

            -‘Ah, just moaning like, and saying –‘No, No’– Like you were fighting off a flock of crocodiles.’-

            -‘That must have been my dad.’- I said. And the panic came rushing back..

            –‘I’ll probably be all day out.’- says he –‘There’s spare keys here if you’re staying around.’-

 

            Just then someone banged on the door and two fellas walked straight in. It must have been unlocked.

            I went to duck and hide, inside the sleeping bag. But it was too late.

            -‘Hello, where did you spring from?’- says one of them.

            A bright red head of hair on him, and he grinning like a schemer.

            -‘This is my mate, Peter the pirate, from Clan Orca. And this is Jerry, he’s recently had to leave home as well, er. Lads, this is, um, a friend of mine. And you never saw her here okay.’- He nodded then shook his head.

            Peter crossed his heart, rolled his eyes and winked at me, mock solemn.

            While Jerry had his head down, biting his quivery lips and glancing me a shy smile, then started to tidy up, believe it or not. Jerry was another runaway, but shy and lonely and gay. A friend for me.

            -‘Pleased to meet you guys, just call me Maxie.’– says I.

            The name just popped into my head right then. And I’ve been called Max or Maxie by most people ever since.!

            -‘You al-already know me.’- said Jerry. He sure was familiar, those shaky wet lips?

            Then he’d popped out his blue contact lenses and flopped back his hood.

            He had a lovely sad face, though you wouldn’t have guessed he was gay

            -‘You’re Jerry! Who got beat up. You never came back to school.’-

            -‘G-good disguise ey! So you ran away as well? Did those bullies g-get you too?’-

            He used to stop and stutter, just a bit.

            Peter was already installed in the wardrobe, and had started up the not so secret computer. I was sitting up in the bed, pulling the sheet around me. We chatted, and Jerry tidied up.  While Barney made us tea.

            They nattered on about the latest ‘Clan Plan’, they planned to De-School our ex school when it finally collapsed. It seemed fantastic, I poo pooed the scheme.                  [clic ref. 10]

            Peter offered me a ciggy and I took it. With Barney tut tutting, like a clucking hen. He hated cigarettes, and sometimes he’d try to ban them in the flat.

            Then he and Barney rushed off without even finishing their tea.

             Jerry followed, still looking embarrassed, but came back later.

            -‘Make yourself at home.’– says Barney going out. –‘The keys are on the table and there’s some food in the cupboard.’-

            And they clattered off down the stairs.

***

            For a minute I just stared at the closed door.

            Then I leaped up, his pink sheet around me. Locked the door and jumped in front of the fire.

            And I thought –‘I am free and alone and safe in the anonymous city!’-

            It was a big high square room, with a shower cubicle and a kitchen in the corner. The clock said quarter past eight, and I thought then of my folks and the kids at the breakfast table. My dad would be raging at me all right. But what would he do? I somehow expected him to start banging on the door right then and there.

            Would my dad report me missing? With people saying he’d been attacking me?

            Then I realized he would just lie. Sure he would accuse me of something. Oh shit, and he would  get the Brother-Hood to find me, religious vigilantes, oh shit..

            I refused to think about that now. I was much too happy.

            I thought of the neighbours talking.

            And of course I had run out of the school and been sick on my teacher.

            I’d be the gossip of the day, I felt famous!

            So I skipped over and put on the music, some new Clan-Rock, real stinky, and started to dance about.

            Giggling and laughing like I was tipsy. Swirling the sheet, around and around. Stopping to admire my body in the wardrobe mirror…

            squeezing in my puppy fat,

            tugging out my little tits,

            gleefully pouting and throwing sexual poses,

            prancing and dancing and whirling,

            till I collapsed in a sweaty heap on the dirty carpet.

            After that I showered, put on Barney’s super baggy clothes, and romped about, making porridge and boiled eggs and toast. I stuffed myself I was starving. Then I cleaned up the whole place and swept the carpet. And I found a pair of scissors, took down the small mirror, and proceeded to cut off my hair.

            That was a nasty experience all right, for a vain young woman like myself. The scissors were blunted and I had to hack away for ages. When I decided I was finished at last it was certainly different.

            Like a shaggy dog after having a battle with a hedge clipper!

            I took the keys and went out, feeling pretty strange and obvious. It had stopped raining for the moment but there was flooding everywhere. In the streets everyone ignored me of course, which suited me fine.

            Off I went in my new disguise.

            My brother Danny showed up in the park on time. Hadn’t he skipped school again.

            He popped up out of the bushes, grinning and suspicious.

            Clan Warrior style, in his hooded jacket, skullcap and long shorts.

            But he hadn’t been able to get my stuff.

            -‘They were having a big row about you, over breakfast. It just wasn’t the moment to start packing up your gear.’-

            -‘Did he say what he’s going to do?’- My heart was leaping.

            -‘He’s going to that Brother-Hood to ask for a detective to get you back, he reckons the police are useless. He says you stole money and hurt the baby.’-

            -‘What! I knew it. I never took a penny, it’s him that hit Kathy… He’s mad. oh Danny he’s mad!’-

 

             I could’ve guessed what he’d say but I was shocked. I’d hinted at the truth and he’d attacked with horrible lies!

            -‘I know but.. Well I believe you anyway.’- said Danny, supporting me.

            -‘I have to stay free!’- I glanced around at the empty park. -‘What about getting my stuff now then. Listen I just need some clothes really, and my brown jacket, and shoes. And the Pools Credit Union Card, in the left hand draw under everything.’-

            -‘She’ll catch me. She reads my mind like a comic book.’- His eyes were wide and scared.

            -‘No no listen, say you’re going training. Use your big sports bag.’-

            -‘Okay but… Um  Tell me. Did he really, um, have it off with you?’-

            How could he ask that!

            -‘Oh Danny. Would you go way outa that. He tried to feel me up that’s all. Like he always done.

But I’m worried now about little Kathy.’-

            I was shocked that our rumour had worked so well.

             All because I’d said a –‘Home for Abused and Beaten up Girls.’-

             One word, ‘abused’, I used against my dad. And for that he set about destroying me.

            -‘Oh yeah. And is it true you barfed on Sister Bernie? I mean.. Did you really vomit on top of her?’-

            -‘It was an accident Danny. Swear to God. She got under me at the wrong minute.’-

            -‘The wrong minute!’-

 

             He held in a splutter, then guffawed loudly, covering his mouth and ducking down.

            –‘The wrong minute! I’ll be away off sis, before we’re spotted.’–

            He smooched my cheek and shifted off. Laughing and blundering about.

            Under the rhododendrons.

            I hid cautiously behind the flooded shrubbery.

            Peeping out nervously and glad of my disguise. Feeling already like I was on the run, but really in case my mother would catch Danny and came down to grab me instead.

******

                                                             next Friday..Chapter Four..Wonderful Maggie..

                                                 You can trust me, you’re my sister.’–

NEXT EPISODE HERE Serialization of’The Free’. sisters.. Ch4 Wonderful Maggie