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Act Two   Chapter twenty six

The anti-guru Guru

‘How to turn goatshit into Irish Whiskey!’

Barney narrating

            By the time me and Maxie got back to the party we found the rest of our strange family had arrived, Bernie and Josie, Jerry and Macker himself, and everyone was round the campfire supping soup and talking about what had occurred.

A small crowd was arriving behind us. Valleyz TV with lights, and mikes and gear.

Merri and Gloria in the middle with Maggie, and Sol enjoying himself.

-‘This is Valleyz TV. Fine shot, Gloria Pearson we’re proud of you.’– said the anchor woman.

-‘Thank you, but I didn’t actually aim at …’-

            -‘He said he was gonna chop off her t-tits, with a huge big machete.’- said Merri, arm in arm. -‘So Gloria says -‘Shit on you sucker.’- And blows his b-balls off!’-

-‘Well actually… ‘- Gloria’s voice was lost in the applause.

-‘Can we eat while you interview us?’- asked Merri. -‘We’re really hungry.’-

I sat down with Bernie and Jerry, and Lucy, who was talking rapid Spanish with her mobile. I was feeling stiff and old, and rather jealous of Maxie. She and Macker were laughing and hugging each other and rushed off to show him everything.

-‘I’ve brought two, um, extra sleeping bags.’- says Jerry, blinking up at me.

            He rubs his cheek on my bare arm and looks up at me. Both of us wish sometimes that we’d become gay lovers. I lean down and we bump foreheads, blurring his black and white eyes. Me and Jerry.

             On an impulse I kiss his shy wet lips, and he kisses me back, but gingerly. 

             Opening my eyes I see Bernie smiling at us.

-‘Where’s Josie then?’- I asked, licking my lips.

-‘Oh she’s here, in the new ‘Kid’s Planet’ tent with Tammy.’– she said.

-‘She’s really happy to be here.’- said Jerry.

-‘Sounds like you done a great job Barney. They should be interviewing you as well!‘- Bernie nodded over at the media crew.

-‘No no no, I’m gonna be recycled.’- says I, ducking my head involuntarily. -‘Fame is not for me I’m afraid. I’m changing my name!’-

            -‘Recycled? But Barney you’re not rubbish, not just yet.’- Lucy laughed at her own pathetic joke.

 I shrugged. -‘A group of yunkers will take on most of what I do. Okay it’s confusing.’-

            -‘You’re being threatened!’- said Lucy, catching on, and squeezed my hand.

-‘We rotate  jobs to avoid power structures. Maybe I’ll visit Mexico.’-

            -‘That would be great, why not come with us!’– She let the subject drop.

-‘Me and Lucia are gonna set up the stall now, to publicize the Soli-Fest.’- said Bernie. -‘I’ve brought some of the new leaflets, and the poster. It’s next weekend you know, would you like to help?’-

            -‘Okay but I’ll just check on Moonie first, looks like Maggie’s busy.’- I nodded to where Maggie and Dolli sat eating with Merri and Gloria, who were still being interviewed.

-‘Let’s all go in and check out Moonie first.’- said Bernie, standing and pulling Lucy up.

-‘And we can all wash up our cups and plates.’-

The first person who passed by our information stall was Sol. He was in high spirits, brown and bouncy as a basketball. No one would guess the guy is sixty years old.

            -‘My name is Sol, like, sun, no? So they make me a fantastic Solstice Party, and already they are preparing a planet wide Soli-Festival!’-

            -‘Let’s change his name, he’s a megalomaniac.’-

            -‘Hello Moonbeam my super friend.’– he said, kissing her wet cheek. She was on my lap sucking her thumb. –‘Hey you wanna come running all over the party with me?’-

She shook her head, smiled and dribbled, without extracting her thumb.

-‘Moonie’s been playing a lot already.’- I said. –‘I’m hoping she’ll have a siesta with her dear old dada.’-

-‘What will you do Soledad mi amor?’- asked Lucy. Taking his hands to stop him running off.

-‘They are inviting me to do a guided massage, at nine in the relax tent. I’m gonna play the anti-guru guru. But now I’m copying the film of today for our TV station friends.  Maxie gonna help me.’-

            -‘Don’t you get, er, tired?’–  I asked, yawning and stretching my stiff muscles. Sol shook his head.

-‘I was a hyperactive baby. So then I take some Soli-Fest leaflets, okay. I like to explain to everyone at the party what it is!’-

-‘Vale chico muy bien, what a good boy!‘- said Lucy, kissing him before he disappeared. -‘Look here comes Maggie, here’s your mama Moonie!’-

***

Finally Sol got most of our gang to his guided massage session in the coppice that evening. He could have been a famous guru figure, but he’s too smart to want it.

Maxie and Macker were having a staring contest. Maggie was with Lucy and the famous Gloria, and all her lady-friends.

It wasn’t too dark and not too windy, one side was open and the moon was shining through thin white cloud, making the whole night slightly luminous. Sol passed round Soli-Fest leaflets, then got us all breathing down to different parts of our bodies, gripping and relaxing our muscles, nothing special but well done. He was in amongst us adjusting our positions. Touching everyone with an air of knowing, somehow setting a tone of mutual love and respect, like.. It’s hard to explain how…

-‘Now we take five deep breaths, letting our bodies go floppy….’-

Implying that where he came from, or in his philosophy, of course we all care a lot for each other. Taken for granted. And seducing us into that world.

All conveyed in a few words, gestures.. Slightly broken English, little laughs..

            -‘It’s true my friends I am a shaman, and we can do some magic all together’- he said –‘Now we are breathing down to our thighs, hold your breath, tighten, grip, and relax and breathe out..

Then massaging, some gently doing themselves, others a partner at the same time. I was sitting with Jerry and Bernie, but I massaged myself. Just simple and practical, but somehow transcending. He has a magic knack I reckon, or he really has access to a deep power from way back.

Like an invisible halo of knowledge and power. Sixty kilos of distilled charisma.

.           -‘Down to our stomachs, letting the juices flow, down right into our sexual organs, releasing waves of energy that radiate through us.’-

People walking past stopped, listened, then sat and joined in. Our numbers doubled and he repeated the first part.

It wasn’t sexual, well, just enough to wake up the pleasure senses and let that energy mix. Sorry I can’t explain it but it clicked.

Up on a little stage, with a cloud of moths whirling round a spotlight

He spoke quietly, maintaining the rhythm of the continuing session.

-‘Our blood courses more freely, wakening all our senses! …Opening our eyes to a clearer vibrant reality…. Feeling our blood flowing round our bodies….’- he went on.

Only then did I realize he’d mesmerized us.

Because he began to wake us up, explaining how we could repeat and improvise the exercises.

-‘My interest, here and now, is to find a piece of a puzzle..The sacred puzzle.’- he paused for effect. -‘The sacred quest of the anti-guru guru.. Ladies and Gentlemen, is.. How to turn goatshit into Irish Whiskey!’-

There was a shocked silence. People started murmuring, there were confused giggles.

.           -‘So sorry, please continue. I am illustrating for you the dangers of hypnotic voice tones ..let’s go on, yes, but don’t be hypnotized my friends.’-  he said

I was trying not to laugh. Maggie had opened her eyes. Stood up and lifted her arms high.

-‘He’s right.’- she suddenly yelled. Her voice echoing back off the cliff. -‘We don’t need gurus. We don’t need heroes. Because we’re all gurus and heroes!’-

             People were turning, some puzzled, some irritated, and staring at her and our group.

There was a pause. Whispers and mumbles.

            -‘And then we continue… Breathing gently down to the neck and shoulders… And down to our arms, and to our hands… repeating..

            And all the way down to the tips of our tingling fingers..

            Look about now, and share with your sisters and brothers..’-

 

            Lucy was standing, leaning back to back with Maggie. I was sitting straight but relaxed, cross legged.

            -‘We breathe in deeply together and hold our breath, feeling a rush of blood, and let it flow and spread down through our bodies. Flushing with oxygen, and freeing our blocked and twisted muscles.’-

             People were doing it, but glancing about. Expecting Sol to manipulate them again.

            -‘Breathing down to our thighs, legs, feet and finally reaching our toes… Contracting all our muscles together, releasing bursts of energy as we choose.. like a long controlled orgasm.’-

             There was a long pause as we all thought about long controlled orgasms.

            -‘Really I come to learn from all my new friends here. How you are making a new civilization here, which, we hope, cannot control people, or obligate people to mess each other up and destroy the planet..

            Now it’s time to continue as far as you need to, leading, for yourselves, for each other,

 beginning with the muscles of the neck… gracias my friends.’-

Sol sat in line, with us, and said no more.

Maggie still stood there swaying, arms raised, dumpy and powerful.

Back to back, leaning on Lucy, and the session winding down.

Maggie saw why Sol had to negate his power, and deftly stepped in to cancel out a conflict of spiritual and practical healing.

She was in her element in the Coppice Circle. If only we had stayed there. If only….

If only we had believed in Maxie’s dreams

previous episode

• Serial of The Free. Ch 25. Gloria´s Fine Shot. (thefreeonline.wordpress.com)