From The Babylon Bee:

BETHESDA, MDâConcerned citizens are raising questions about some experiments conducted by Dr. Fauciâs NIH, including one where puppies were tortured to death, their vocal cords severed to mute their screams. In an interview, Fauci said that anyone who attacks puppy torture is attacking science itself.
âPuppy torture is science,â said Fauci angrily. âSo is grafting baby scalps onto lab mice and engineering viruses that kill millions! I AM SCIENCE! I AM GOD!!!â Fauci then threw back his head and laughed maniacally at the sky.
Fauci insisted that his experiments are âsuper importantâ, and âreal science.â He also defended some of his other experiments, such as the âKitten Drowning Experimentâ, the âOrphan Punching Experimentâ, and the âPiranha Kiddie Pool Experiment.â
According to several sources, millions of progressives have quietly thrown away their Fauci pillows, candles, and plush dolls.
Authorities say Fauci is still at large, being pursued by JamesâŠ